


Let's Avoid Each Other

by WhoknewZeus



Category: GOT7
Genre: Drama, Homosexuality, I might tag along the way of what this is, I'll think about it, I'm not sure if the other boy will be included in the story, M/M, Romance, Slash, chapters will be longer, it might be slow burn, some smut along the way, still not sure about that too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5160338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoknewZeus/pseuds/WhoknewZeus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson coincidentally meets Youngjae multiple times. If he never had his heart broken that fateful night, he would have never met Youngjae. He probably would have not tried to befriend Youngjae along the way. Maybe he will realize in the process if his new desires are something more than platonic? </p><p>On Youngjae's part, he should have avoided that male that same night. He wished he could, but it was too late to terminate his existence in the other male's life. The best solution he could fabricate was to simply avoid Jackson.. as much as possible. Quite difficult when the blond-haired male keeps catching him in awkward situations. </p><p>As the two run in perfect circles away and towards each other, Jackson and Youngjae have to figure out that there are some things they cannot avoid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea what I m writing~ Hahaha, I just started up a word document and began writing indiscriminately. Idk how it became a JackJae story, but it did. Oh well. I hope it goes nicely and also hope y'all's enjoy this as much as possible. 
> 
> I'm trying to write chapters ahead of time and get them posted in an organized manner. However, I'm not sure if I can keep it up for later chapters with college life and personal life hitting me in the dick each time. Anyways, just read and leave any comments, kudos, more viewings, whatever y'all's feel like doing after finishing.

Jackson made a lot of mistakes in his life, but he never would have thought he would live to see the day where he wakes up and finds out he was sleeping in someone else's bed besides his own or his girlfriend’s. Well, technically, ex-girlfriend now. Jackson thought about what the day before and what could have happened to leave him dumbfounded.  

Jackson remembered he was throwing a tantrum on the streets after a bad break-up with a girl. He stomped and cursed the world around him, causing people to pitifully stare at his actions. He drunk that night with the complete content to forget about the whole year he wasted trying to keep her by his side. If he knew the outcome was going to leave him in shreds, he would have never asked her to his girlfriend.

In his blond-hair glory, Jackson threw a half-emptied bottle of alcohol at a wall. His ego was screaming out as it was ripped down to such a vulnerable state. The girl didn’t even have the decency to end their relationship before their anniversary. She had to do it on the night Jackson took her to a fancy restaurant to celebrate their togetherness.

Smacking the hard surface of a tree, he cried to equalize the aching in his heart. A stranger, a male stranger, walked far to the side to avoid Jackson and mind his own business. Although, Jackson had other plans of ruining someone else’s night because his was complete shit.

What did the heartbroken male do to the innocent bystander? He ran over and cursed him out for no reason, and he even threw up on the poor guy. “Aish! Ah, what do I do? What do I do?” the young fellow uttered.

Jackson laughed at the male’s relatively surprised and calm reaction before he blacked out and fell forward towards the stranger.

And there was Jackson back in reality—in the bed of someone else, lost and confused. He wondered what idiot decided to bring him into their home without feeling like Jackson could be a secret killer, which he was not, that might rob them.

Not wanting to stay in his stationary position anymore, he climbed out of bed and began exploring the strange environment that he was placed in. He observed carefully of what was around to ensure that _he_ wasn’t the one trapped with a serial killer.

“Uh, a-almost there,” someone’s voice echoed from the kitchen.

Jackson approached where the voice was coming from in a discreet manner. He slowly entered the kitchen unaware of what to expect to see, and he wished he could un-see what he had seen. There were two male strangers; one of them was leaning against the stove while getting head from the other male.

Unable to hold in his thoughts, he let his blunt mouth open up. “Fucking shit! Oh my god. Ew! Ewww!”

Startling the two males, they began scrambling to make themselves appear presentable in front of a guest. They bowed their heads multiple times as one of them began to immediately walk out of the room with shame. The other male kneed to the floor and then tucked his knees into his chest as he began shutting himself out from the world. Jackson’s stomach could feel the regret watering itself inside of him, watching the other male look so distressed.

“Hey,” Jackson hesitated to get closer, but he decided it was for best to make up for his rude actions, “sorry about that. I, uh, probably should have, ha, kept my mouth shut.”

“No, no, no!” The younger male looked up regretfully, shaking his head in reassurance for Jackson.

“Nah, I mean, it’s okay for _guys_ to get head in such, well, open areas.”

“So bad. Aish, I’m so bad.”

“Calm down, dude,” Jackson bent a little over, placing his hand on the stranger’s shoulder, “you’re fine. Totally my fault.”

The stranger looked up into Jackson’s eyes, noticing the sheer concern Jackson was displaying. He pulled himself together and got off the floor before introducing himself, “I’m Youngjae, and you’re—“

“Jackson. Jackson Wang."


	2. Chapter 1: Fate is Coincidental

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the stuff is indented, and there will be parts where it doesn't. Idk how to fix it besides just manually spacing it. I don't want to go through that hassle honestly, so I'll just leave it as it is xDD enjoy it please c:

            A week ago Jackson had his heart broken by his, now, ex-girlfriend on their anniversary date. He found himself in a weird predicament when he woke up in a stranger’s home and discovered that the said stranger was blowing off a male in the kitchen without shame. The stranger’s was Youngjae. The unexpected wild card was what Jackson described him.

            It had been an entire week since the incident, and Jackson’s life was relatively aligning itself back to normality. It had occurred to the Chinese individual that Youngjae was not too far from where he was living at.

            College was normal as normal could get — the same friends that attempted to cheer him up after his terrible break-up, and same professors that assigned the tedious workload. The same bland white walls that decorated the halls, and the same mundane food that the cafeteria provided with tax.

            Jackson admitted that his life could have been a little more interesting, but education was not something he could just make instantly provocative.

            With boredom collectively plaguing his mind, Jackson decided that all he wanted to do after class was go home. The professor dismissed the class, and Jackson grabbed his binder and shoved it into his backpack. Packing up the rest of his materials, he began to make his trip home. As he walked out the class and made a right, he found himself going down the staircase that was on the first right turn.

            On his way down the third floor to the second, he saw a male student pushing another male hard against the corner. “Ngh! Ah,” the male that was being shoved groaned.

            Jackson thought it was an act of on-campus bullying, and he had to put a stop to it since there was no other students or faculty around. “Hey, get off of him!” Jackson rushed over and separated the two.

            Jackson examined the victim carefully before realizing the facial feature was recognizable. Gasping to his realization, Jackson confusedly murmured, “Youngjae?”

            “F-Fuck, shit,” the other male cursed before running off from Jackson and Youngjae.

            Jackson did not care for where the other guy ran off or to remember the face of the dude, but he did quickly scan Youngjae’s body to see if he was all right.

            “I-I’m fine, uh, was it Jack?” Youngjae blushed as he uttered his words.

            “Jackson. It’s Jackson.”

            “Uh, yes, yes,” Youngjae retorted, nodding his head repeatedly in embarrassment. It was not only because he forgot Jackson’s name, but he was caught twice in the act now. He was beginning to believe he was cursed with misfortunate for such awkward timing by the same person twice in a row.

            Youngjae bowed his head apologetically before hurriedly walking off down the stairs. Jackson shrugged off the other male as he steadily walked down the same stairs. From the start, the chemical reaction between the two was beginning to react to the series of events each time they met each other.

            The weekend came shortly after; Jackson was trying to enjoy a day outside instead of being stuffed inside of his apartment because it was beginning to depress him. Despite the sunshine touching almost everything in his surroundings, the weather was still chilly and windy. Jackson rubbed his hands together to conjure as much warmth to his freezing fingers as possible, but they were not sufficient enough to heat it up entirely.

            “Ay, so cold,” Jackson muttered to himself as he passed by other bystanders down the street.

            He was deciding it was good time to attempt to go to a noodle shop to have something hot to eat. The weather seemed perfect for it, anyway. His feet pounded the cement below him, and the traffic lights was changing colors as cars drove in various directions. Jackson waited until the signal was appropriate for him to cross the street, so he stood patiently with earbuds blasting to a hip-hop song into his eardrums.

            Jackson looked around and appreciated his surroundings for a bit— the bushes swaying to one side where the wind was blowing it; children holding tightly to their parents’ hands; the smell of crisp, cold air invading his nostrils. Winter was surely coming.

            Sitting comfortably on a stool, he broke a pair of chopsticks apart as hot steam was attacking his smell. With his stomach rumbling audibly, he began picking up the tender, moist noodles and deliciously shoving it into his mouth.

            “Yummy,” Jackson uttered, doing a quick shimmy.

            Youngjae entered the shop, but he was oblivious of Jackson also being inside. He took a seat farther down from where Jackson was sitting. “One house special please,” Youngjae ordered calmly.

            Jackson halted eating and looked to his side to where Youngjae’s voice was coming from. “Youngjae?”

            The dark brown-haired male looked to the side and finally noticed the blond-haired male. Internally sighing, he smiled and waved with a friendly expression before turning back to the chef. “Is it possible to have that to-go instead?” Youngjae innocently asked.

            “Nope,” the chef responded, not giving any direct eye contact with his customer.

            A disappointed expression appeared on Youngjae’s face, but it was replaced with embarrassment because memories of Jackson seeing him in such lewd ways made him turn red on the cheeks. In that time in his head, he was certainly surprised when Jackson bumped into his arm. Youngjae looked bug-eye as the blond-haired individual was suddenly getting comfortable in the seat next to him. Jackson opened his mouth to enthusiastically speak again, “Yo, Youngjae, windy weather, huh?”

            Nodding his head in response, Youngjae wondered what he did to God to get himself in such an awkward situation with a stranger. He should have left Jackson to puke all over the streets and be found by the police. For once in the Korean male’s life, he wished he was not well-mannered and considerate. What was so hard to just letting life handle its misfortunate on its own?

            “You know, you really shouldn’t let yourself be easy prey to guys like that,” Jackson nonchalantly commented while devouring more noodles, “it’s no good for you. Not healthy.”

            Youngjae’s head pulsated and could tell by his reaction that he was going to get a massive headache if he stood next to the blond-haired male any longer than five minutes. He kept quiet because he knew his mother taught him to not say anything if the words that will come out of his mouth carried negative intentions. Although, he was tempted to say something to Jackson’s ignorant comment.

            Slurping up the remaining noodles in his bowl, Jackson whispered, “Just ‘cause you’re gay doesn’t mean you should let men take control of you as if you’re a woman. It’s not manly, dude.”

            A nerve twitched inside of Youngjae. He sighed aloud to portray his annoyance, hoping that Jackson’s simple mind could take a hint.

            “You know you shouldn’t sigh like that. You lose a moment of happiness every time you sigh,” Jackson immediately responded, proceeding to gulp the rest of the soup of his ramen.

            _Talkative_ , Youngjae thought as he looked directly at Jackson’s simple eyes. Feeling his ill nature wanting to come out, Youngjae sighed stark right at the Chinese male’s face. Jackson flinched and flailed around at the warm breath smacking his face. Satisfied with the reaction, Youngjae turned back his head to the chef that was coming to him with his house special order.

            For once since Youngjae entered the shop, he was able to get tranquility. He indulged in the silence, adored that Jackson finally shut up, and looked over to see that Jackson was quietly staring at his phone. There was something off with Jackson being laconic, though.

            It bothered Youngjae. It really, sadly, did. Youngjae examined the other male while the said male looked at his phone with puppy eyes. There was something wrong with that look that was definitively not boredom. Helpless to his curiosity, Youngjae decided to converse, “Hey, stop staring at that phone if it’s making you look like you had your heart broken all over again.”

            He never noticed how shocked Jackson could look when those words came out smoothly from his mouth. Youngjae swore he said nothing wrong, but he was pulling at a string that was connected to claymore. In contradiction to his reserved nature, Youngjae’s mouth had no filter once it opened up like Jackson’s.

            Jackson shook his head and scoffed, but the diverting stares and faltering smiles gave Youngjae the obvious clue to the damage that was done.

            In an effort to apologize for his uncalled for action, Youngjae inhaled peacefully before he released it. “Hey—“

“I don’t want to hear it,” Jackson interrupted, smiling and shaking his head at his phone screen. On the dimly lit iPhone screen, the bio of his ex-girlfriend’s profile on Instagram was changed. It had in bold text saying that she was single with a blessed emoji placed next to the word.

            Youngjae thought of what kind of girl she was to have such a hold of Jackson like that. He would also like to applaud her for messing up someone so psychologically like that. The sheer thought of her brought out such negativity from Jackson that Youngjae knew that the blond-haired male loved that woman dearly.

            Jackson asked for a bill, paid for it, and then left the shop without saying another word to Youngjae.

            Personally, Youngjae felt it was not his fault for being a little rude in his mannerism. Jackson’s words were nowhere near angelic, anyway. That boy was outdated on modern times as conservative old parents. Youngjae acknowledged that he could have educated Jackson about feminism, slut-shaming, and so on. He also _could_ have punched the other male in the throat, but he preferred the first choice.

            Youngjae and Jackson never saw each other again that day, but they coincidentally met again at a get-together their friends made. Awkward was beginning to lose its meaning whenever they saw each other at the same place unexpectedly.

            It turned out that Jackson’s best friend Mark was close friends with Youngjae’s best friend Bambam. Their best friends’ thought that Jackson and Youngjae should meet each other and get along like they did. Even if the two did not hit it off well at first, Mark and Bambam were very optimistic that they would be close friends in no time, which made Youngjae laugh. Maybe in another universe where Youngjae avoided Jackson that night, so they could attempt to have a normal connection instead of a troublesome one.

            Youngjae tapped his chopsticks against the edge of his plate with his half-finished meal on it. Jackson already finished before all of them, so he began scrolling through his phone for entertainment. Mark and Bambam kept slurping their soups and laughing at cheesy jokes they cracked together. Youngjae yawned and looked at Jackson with boredom.

            “Stop staring at me, weirdo,” Jackson spat.

            “Oo, the mouth on this one, Bambam,” Youngjae remarked threateningly, “so childish. Grow up, chh.”

            “Whatcha say?” Jackson retorted, twisting his head to the side like a dog.

            Mark and Bambam worriedly smiled at each other as they silently watch a small conflict beginning to grow among them. “You must obviously be young to be acting like that,” Youngjae commented, crossing his arms at Jackson.

            “I’m 21, you little shit,” Jackson slamming the table as he stood up.

            “I’m 19 so you start acting your age instead of being so immature!” Youngjae’s voice roared, further killing the peaceful atmosphere that was previously shared.

            Jackson deathly glared at his rival on the other side of the table before he calmly exited the shop. Mark apologized the inconvenience, but Bambam was already bowing his head and asking for forgiveness himself. The two shared a quick laugh before Mark went off to find where Jackson walked off to.

            Mark jogged cautiously up to Jackson down the hall before Jackson pushed the door open and hurried out. “Jackson, that was really rude to Youngjae.”

            “Do I give a shit?” Jackson scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets since nightfall had taken over. “He’s so lucky I don’t just kick his ass.”

            Mark groaned following up, for he knew Jackson was not easily persuaded to like anyone if they were showing any signs of rudeness. Mark also knew that it was going to take more than a talking and apology for Jackson to get past it because that man could hold really strong grudges.

“Jackson—“

“No, Mark! Just let me be alone for a bit,” Jackson turned sharply around, facing Mark with such a serious face. Jackson’s best friend nodded and turned away disappointedly, but Jackson meant no harm to the other’s feelings. It was really better if he was left alone to deal with it.

Awfully cold winds blew in the direction he was walking in that caused him to zip up his jacket all the way and put on the hood. Rubbing his hands together, he breathed into the cup of his hands in an attempt for warmth. He walked until he reached a very familiar destination — where he supposedly met Youngjae.

Jackson could still see leftover shards of the bottle he threw at the wall before. Like pieces of diamonds glittering along the cement, he shook his head thinking back at the memory. Footsteps echoed behind him, causing Jackson to turn to see if it was a potential threat.

“Hi,” Youngjae softly spoke, casually approaching him with his hands in his jacket pockets.

An immediate fire began torching Jackson’s soul upon seeing the other male at the same place they fatefully met. Jackson had too much pride in himself to give Youngjae the benefit of forgiveness. Jackson scoffed, “What the hell do ya want?”

Youngjae walked up to the same wall that Jackson had had threw a bottle at and leaned against it with his back. The shadow the building emanated overlapped Youngjae before he opened his lips, “I think we started off on the wrong foot.”

“More like falling down on the wrong foot,” Jackson retorted, chuckling to himself.

“Anyway, I’m sorry about what I said back there,” Youngjae started, “I’ve been weird lately because I haven’t gotten properly laid.”

Jackson’s eyes went wide and cheeks flushed, “Uh, do you use sex as a stress-relief?”

“Correct,” Youngjae stated, “I use it to cope with my daily struggles.”

Jackson nodded respectfully despite feeling the atmosphere shifting over to a gray area. It was easy to tell that Youngjae was an intellectual by the arrogant tone the young male used around him. Unaffected by the attempt of peace, Jackson began teasing Youngjae to see how the other male would react.

“What’s been stopping you, huh?” Jackson puffed out his chest and held his chin high.

“Frankly, you,” Youngjae diverted his attention elsewhere. The redness in his cheeks was slightly there, but he hoped that Jackson would not notice it. “My mood alternates depending on the amount of sexual activities I engage in.”

Jackson wanted to laugh at such a ridiculous comment, but he held it back when he noticed the seriousness in Youngjae’s tone. If Youngjae had been in a bad mood recently because of him, then it would make sense to Jackson that Youngjae would only need sexual release to balance out his attitude.

  Air pushing around litter through the streets; the trees shook like ballerinas. The stillness they shared was undisturbed; no words were needed to be exchanged between them because they enjoyed the tranquility that they missed earlier from their idiotic argument.

“So you’re gay, Youngjae?”

“Yup, and you’re straight, Jackson?”

“Yup.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading~ Leave anything you feel is necessary.


	3. Chapter 2: We Meet Too Many Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are coming along very slowly xDD I have a busy social life now since I gotten a boyfriend. Sorry everyone! T^T I'll attempt to write as much on my free time when I have the chance.

            Youngjae woke up alone in his apartment. The guy from before would not text him back because he believed that Jackson was Youngjae’s boyfriend and refused to cause trouble between them. Sighing aloud in his bed, Youngjae looked over at the alarm clock and noticed it was still an hour early to be awake before he had to get ready to go to class.

Another day meant another day without his parents to tell him to eat breakfast or to clean his room. He wondered why he wanted to try living on his own when it was such an annoyance to deal with the landlord, college, and food. Although, he enjoyed the independence and having guys over without having to sneak any of them into the apartment.

Living alone had its pros and cons.

Before brushing his teeth, he smelled his breath and shivered to the disgusting scent. Watering the bristles on his toothbrush with the toothpaste resting upon it, he slowly scrubbed the surface of his teeth in small circles for a few minutes before spitting out the residue in his mouth. He smiled at his bathroom mirror and was generally satisfied with the results.

            On School grounds, Youngjae’s class was barely over. He wanted to make a quick stop at the library to borrow a book for his next term paper that was due next month.

            Upon walking down the stairs, he bumped into a rushing student. The collision was strong enough that Youngjae fell backwards and smacked the back of his head and the middle of his spine on the edges of the steps.

            An acute pain stuck to his body before his conscious evanesced into blackness.

            The time around him seemed indifferent. He couldn’t feel any change in the environment, but he could hear a voice calling him out from the darkness. A male’s voice called him repeatedly, and it was oddly comforting yet annoying. He _knew_ the voice, but he somehow could not figure out who it belonged to.

            “Yo, Youngjae! Man, you’re so utterly useless,” the voice groaned.

            Maybe it was Bambam? Sometimes his best friend could be annoying to hear, but it wasn’t nearly as annoying as it was now. It was also deeper than Bambam’s voice, so it was impossible to be his Thai friend. The world of nothingness in Youngjae’s head started rumbling before a light permeated through it.

            Colors of white blinded his vision. A blurry and blob-like person was standing next to him. Slowly, his line of sight became clear again, and he was immediately disappointed at the person that was waving their hand at him.

            _Jackson_ , Youngjae internally groaned at the name. On another note, Youngjae looked around to see that he was in the nurse’s office. He wanted to get up swiftly, but his back and head stabbed at him with slight pain. “Ouch,” Youngjae whined, rubbing the spot that was aching immensely.

            “I found you laid out on the staircase with no one around to help you,” Jackson explained, “I couldn’t leave ya like that.”

            “Ugh, how long?” Youngjae annoyingly whispered.

            “Nurse guessed not too long when I found you and carried you over here,” Jackson shrugged, giving Youngjae a comforting arm rub, “but you were knocked out for about thirty minutes over here.”

            Youngjae made a sound at his throat and noticed how scratchy and rough it sounded. He caressed his neck, feeling for anything wrong on his flesh. Jackson got up and returned quickly with a small cup of water. Shocked that Jackson knew what he wanted without him saying anything about it, Youngjae smiled at the kind gesture before speaking, “Thank you.”

            Jackson took out his phone and handed it to the Korean male.

Youngjae stared at him dumbfounded, but he saw the number pad opened up and got the hint. He tapped the screen with quick speed and returned the device to Jackson.

Jackson smiled to himself before talking again, “Thanks. We can contact each other since you seem like you sorta need me nowadays.”

“Aish, be quiet,” Youngjae retorted, chuckling a little because it was not a bad idea to think about.

            Youngjae sighed hard because he barely had the third page finished of his 10-page paper. He indulged in the fact that it was due for a while, but he dreaded that it was excruciatingly long. He could prolong or shirk the responsibility, but he was a far better student than that. Night fell upon the town like a blanket over a child. The winds were picking up as the winter season was approaching fast.

            Needing a break, he stopped typing and cracked his knuckles. Standing up from his chair, he walked to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Youngjae took a deep breath in as he stretched a lot of his unmoved muscles. His phone started vibrating, informing him about a text from someone. He checked to see that the sender was Jackson.

            _Jackson: Wyd?_

            Youngjae jumped onto his bed and began texting.

_Youngjae: Getting an early strt on my term paper_

            _Jackson: Ew_

            _Youngjae: What are you doing?_

            The little bubble appeared to indicate that Jackson was typing something, and Youngjae could tell it was something not laconic because it should have been quick otherwise. He rolled around in bed waiting, and he was already growing impatient for a reply.

            _Jackson: I’m currently having noodles at the shop for dinner. Wanna come? :D_

_Youngjae: Why not. Ttyl_

Grabbing the closest jacket laying around in his room, Youngjae prepared to get ready to head out to meet Jackson. Obnoxious was literally the epitome of what Jackson was; however, Youngjae was subconsciously stepping closer into the gravitational pull the other male possessed. He wouldn’t admit it out loud that he was interested in knowing the other male more.

            “So you’re Chinese?” Youngjae chuckled, stirring around his noodles in the bowl.

            “Yeah, so what was your hometown, Mokpo, I believe, was like?” Jackson fired back, tasting a large portion of his ramen into his mouth.

            Youngjae thought about it for a bit because he never had to tell anyone about things about himself so deeply. He wondered what he could say, though. Maybe the seafood? Perhaps the time he got robbed would be interesting? How about his family life?

            “Well, if you’re close to the waters,” Youngjae wanted to talk about the scenery that aesthetically pleased him, “you can smell the fresh scent of mother nature. The seafood there is good too.”

            “Ah, I see, I see,” Jackson let out a breath in satisfaction. “One day, I want to visit it.”

            You ever looked at someone with so much interest that you become engulfed into whatever they say. The idea of them saying something would catch your attention faster than a Black Friday sale on an item you really wanted. Youngjae genuinely smiled at Jackson and stared at him starry-eyed. Any longer into the conversation then Youngjae would need to pass up on his cold ramen.

            A buzzing vibrated the surface of the counter they were eating upon. Jackson saw it was his phone and excused himself outside for a moment. Youngjae kept a smile to himself thinking that Jackson was not such a bad person as he thought Jackson was.

            “Hey,” Jackson came back, but his mood was offset by something, “I gotta go.”

            Youngjae’s smile fell, “Oh, okay.”

            Jackson bowed and then proceeded to leave the shop. Youngjae wondered who could possibly change Jackson’s mood in a split minute like that. Subconsciously, he knew it had to be _that_ girl. However, his intuition told him to look at other possibilities as well. But it was still lingering there…

            Youngjae wanted to get close enough to prove his suspicion correct, but he also thought he should leave the matter to hide under the bed. If he got himself too invested into Jackson, it would only be a burden for Youngjae in his already stressful life. _Maybe we should avoid each other_ , Youngjae thought to himself.

            It was not a bad proposition honestly. People like Youngjae should not hassle themselves to be around people like Jackson; you would not expect water and oil to mix smoothly.

            The store was due for closing hours, and Youngjae still sat there alone thinking to himself. The ramen he ordered earlier stopped producing the delicious scent and steam like when it was first freshly made. The owner of the shop cleaned out cups with a rag and gave a few glances at Youngjae.

            Another silence filled the air. It was not like Youngjae was not used to hearing that like every morning. He lived an independent life, so he prone to be adjusted to hearing nothing almost all the time. Out of nowhere, the chef began talking, “Y’know, that blond-haired boy has been visiting my shop for a while now.”

            “Hm,” Youngjae stared with interest at older man.

            “His girlfriend and him would come here very often as a date,” the old chef commented, putting away the cups he had cleaned. “She often ate black bean noodles here.”

            Youngjae noted that Jackson had a history of coming to the same ramen shop for a while then. He only went to the same shop that Jackson was at that one time because it was the only place that was really close by in the cold weather. It was starting to annoy Youngjae that he was indirectly getting pieces of Jackson’s life together. He would rather hear it from Jackson’s voice as opposed from others, but it was information regardless.

            “She really has him by her finger, huh?” Youngjae asked, resting his head on his arm on the wood surface.

            “When you fall in love and stay in love with someone for a year, you too will be stuck to them,” the old man chanted his wisdom.

            “Yeah, yeah, check please,” Youngjae retorted. Oddly, Youngjae felt disappointed upon hearing all of that. He did not know where the source of it was, but it was surely there taking shelter within him. Well, Youngjae needed to go back to work on his paper.

            A song gently resonated inside of room. The keys of a piano sung every note uniquely, and the person pressing on those keys was Youngjae. Within the music room at the college he attended, he enjoyed using a little bit of his free time to sing and play the piano. It relieved the stress that was climbing on his back.

            The crickets outside matched the tone of his voice as shadows shifted whenever a car’s light shined through. He always chose to play the piano at late enough hours to avoid people from seeing or hearing him. Suddenly, his phone’s ringtone went off.

            Upon picking it up, Youngjae spoke in a professional way, “Hello?”

            “Hey! Wheer aru yu?” Jackson’s voice slurred.

            “Why? Wait, are you drunk?” Youngjae questioned back.

            Youngjae heard Jackson’s voice laughing before the Chinese male decided to speak again, “Yup.”

            Sighing aloud, not wanting to deal with the same situation all over again, he calmly said, “Where are you?”

            It was not long until Youngjae was dropping Jackson onto his bed like before. Jackson giggled at every little thing he said despite what he was saying was actually a scolding. Jackson laughed and laughed with his eyes barely opening to look at his surroundings. The scent of alcohol was strong on the Chinese male, but his innocent smile would say a completely different story.

            Youngjae prepared a glass of water for Jackson to drink in the morning. If the drunk male woke up early enough, he would be able to join Youngjae for breakfast. Was it weird to think that he was getting accustomed to having to be around Jackson?

            It was slowly assimilating itself into Youngjae’s comfort-zone. After being rejected heavily at first, the idea of being friends or being around Jackson was starting to come to him as intriguing and beneficial. It was like a caveman trying to use fire instead of being afraid of it. He sat on a spot close to Jackson, who was drifting off to sleep. Light yellow strands touched Youngjae’s blue pillows and reminded him the sun settling down on the ocean.

            Shaking off the strange thought, he stood up from his bed but a strong tug pulled him backwards into the mattress. Jackson’s warm, sweet, bold breath hitched itself onto his senses as they spooned. “Please,” Jackson ghostly kissed the ridge of his neck, sounding almost heartbroken, “don’t leave.”

            Fighting off Jackson, Youngjae attempted to wiggle out of the hold. However, he never noticed how developed Jackson’s muscles were in comparison to his. Unprecedentedly, he felt a new danger yet safety. Underneath Jackson’s arms, he could feel himself getting warmer and secure. It was like he could fall asleep and not worry about having nobody to wake up to in the next morning.

            His eyes drowsily drifting down; Youngjae thought of a way he could stay awake. Jackson soft snores bounced around the room, and he was losing his consciousness like before. He might as well fall asleep, so he succumb to his slumber by Jackson’s side. He would deal with the awkwardness in the morning.


	4. Chapter 3: Hi Hi Ha He Ho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no update xD I have been busy w/ college and all. I am sorry~ Forgive me, have a chapter! Still can't find a way to indent these fuckers, but oh well.

A bird perched on a twig on a small bush outside and sang little songs to the sun. Waking up to a new morning, Youngjae looked directly at Jackson’s sleeping face. The bookworm rose from his bed and propped himself up. Unaware of what to do with the other male on his bed, his feet moved around quietly to the kitchen.

With the hot stove burning fuel, he was preparing peppers and a few freshly cut tofu pieces. Kimchi soup seemed to be what he was craving in the morning, and he thought Jackson would also enjoy it if the male also wanted some. It would be something as opposed to having nothing to fill up on in the morning.

Youngjae pulled up a chair and sat upon it. He sipped the finished soup with the steam relaxing the muscles in his nose. Different spices were familiarizing itself in his senses, and he was getting lost in its flavor. Jackson soon woke up to the same smell and looked around at his surroundings in a daze.

Jackson saw the glass of water and took a strong gulp of it until there was nothing but droplets on the sides. He stood up slowly because his head was pounding him like a drum. He felt déjà vu hit him as he walked through the hallway and was honestly expecting Youngjae to be blowing another guy in the kitchen.

And there Youngjae was… sitting down and sipping kimchi soup. Jackson analyzed the scene a second time.

No guy? No form of sexual activity? He smiled to see something good in the morning for once. The loneliness he was feeling last night was suddenly dull. He used a soft voice, “Hey.”

Youngjae looked with big eyes as he was about to put a spoonful of the crimson soup into his mouth.

Jackson smiled warmly, “I said hey.”

“O-Oh, hi, I mean, morning, Jackson,” Youngjae stammered around with his words, “there’s, um, some soup I made for us. Help yourself.”

“Oh, honey, you’re the best!” Jackson jokingly shouted, running over to empty bowl that was placed next to the pot. He filled it up and began helping himself to the delicious soup.

Now sitting together in sincerity, they watched each other finish their bowls. Jackson’s inquisitiveness shown itself when he got bored of the silence. No warning, Jackson asked, “Youngjae, what is your relationship with your parents?”

Youngjae could feel a cold shiver slide down his spine as he thought of his parents. A voice nagging at his nerve, and another one telling him to be something he was not. An unspoken story that Youngjae had not shared with anyone because it was something he felt was necessary to keep to himself. He was _always_ alone, anyway.

“It’s good, and I just felt that it was good to experience my life without them for once,” Youngjae lied with a smile.

“I wished I had that type of relationship with my parents!” Jackson awed like a kid, “I grew up without a father figure, so all I know is my strong mom and siblings.”

Youngjae nodded at the small window into Jackson’s life. He could see more smiles on Jackson’s mom than his would ever give. A scent of a strong lady dancing in the winds. Irony was tragically unbearable.

“Tell me about your mom,” Youngjae questioned, tucking his legs into his chest while remaining on the chair.

“She’s really incredible to be single-handedly taking care of a whole family. We went homeless at one point for a small time. We struggled and endured it all because family was really all we had when we were all together,” Jackson explained with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Were?”

“Well, of course,” Jackson chuckled with a slight sadness. “We all grew up and left one by one to go on our own ways.”

Like ghosts, they quietly haunted the place with silence. Until Youngjae had to ask another question, “Do you miss them?”

“Mhm,” Jackson hummed, spinning the chopsticks in a ludic manner in the bowl.

A barrier was beginning to be placed inside of Youngjae’s mind, for he wanted to stop asking so many questions. He was involving himself into something too deep. He needed to stay superficial as much as possible with their relationship, but it was evolving into something interpersonal.

It was too new in fact; Youngjae didn’t know what to do with such information about the other male. He was always someone to stay only at one side of a window, yearning to know what the opposite side felt like. It was utterly petrifying to let someone enter your comfort zone because that would mean they would have every little detail about how you function as a human being and could end your existence.

That required too much trust for Youngjae to easily pass to others.

“You seem popular to have so many friends that you, well, bang with, Youngjae,” Jackson commented suddenly, displacing Youngjae from his thoughts.

“Oh, you must be mistaken,” Youngjae sheepishly shook his head, “I don’t really have friends. BamBam is like one exception.”

“Ha, I can see that. So I assume those guys just use you for sexual pleasure?”

“And vice versa,” Youngjae added, nodding in approval.

So many questions Youngjae wanted to ask, and there was surely one he wanted to ask the most about…

One night after a few days since Jackson got drunk and had to stay over at Youngjae’s place, he was texting Youngjae to sleepover at his place and help him study for class. It made sense to the bookworm since his IQ was greater by tenfold than Jackson’s.

It wouldn’t be horrendous since BamBam and Mark will be there as well. Oddly. No matter, he thought of it not too heavily. He was going to be there and study as planned. At least that was what was originally planned until he actually got there. 

Jackson and BamBam were half-naked playing strip Uno. Mark laid on the couch, texting away his life. It was nowhere near the image building in his head. The books that Jackson had to study was neatly stacked upon the coffee table. He could applaud that there was something educational laying around instead of old clothing and empty cups of ramen.  _ It looked like the stereotypical apartment owned by college students,  _ Youngjae noted mentally.

“Yikes, you guys really know how to make a study group turn into a frat party,” Youngjae carefully stepped over a missing sock pair and took a seat on the floor next to BamBam as the two half-naked adolescents duel out their aggression.

“Hush up, we need to settle this!” They spoke in shocking unison.

Youngjae supposed he could lay around and just enjoy a calm night with the boys instead of being alone at his place. It was beginning to reify in his head that he was adjusting himself into a group of sociable people. A lost duck finding a flock to fly with.

Feet shuffling against a rug carpet, and the sighs coming from two bored males in juxtaposition to two very entertained male exhaling excitedly. Youngjae found himself feeling more at home with them than his actual home. It was a little weird at first, but he gave up trying to question it. Not everything in his life needed to be explained with absolute detail, and it was better that way.

Estranging from normal, Youngjae crept up behind Jackson and rested his head on the older male’s shoulder blade. A new tension was osculating, stirring up an unprecedented reaction. BamBam paid no attention to the touching, for he was concentrated in making Jackson strip in humiliation. However, the Chinese male flinched at first before relaxing when he knew it was Youngjae.

A skin Youngjae was not familiar with made him want to investigate the uncharted lands. With curiosity crunching on his mind, he wondered what the foreign skin felt like against the palm of his hand. Mark played a video with the volume on high.

Jackson whispered on the side, “Oi, wh-what are you doing?”

“Just analyzing,” Youngjae honestly answered, pressing the left-side of his cheek on the smooth pale skin.

Cold was his initial thought. Although, the bookworm felt a warmth in his heart despite the goosebumps on the other male’s skin.

A lustful desire to be connected with Jackson was slowly growing within him. A sinful but innocent want to hold to oneself. He backed off to give them an interstice again. The bookworm went back to find his books to begin studying once more. Meddling with feelings he was not accustomed to, it troubled the college student more than a history assignment due the next morning.

“No!” Jackson clamored, causing Mark and Youngjae to flinch at the sound.

BamBam stuck his tongue out and nodded at the sweet victory he just made. Jackson got on his knees and began bowing to the Thai friend in attempt to make peace. “Please, B.B., spare me!”

“Nope,” Bambam shook his head, smiling ever so wickedly. Jackson got up and sighed disappointedly.

Youngjae’s eyes wandered lower to Jackson’s waist and noticed the Chinese male slowly pulling down his boxers. He was glad that everyone was staring in anticipation because he was staring way too hard. Seeing a treasure that did not belong to him, he knew what a pirate must have felt like when they stole others’ treasures; there was something he definitively he wanted to loot.

           As Jackson’s bum continued to be exposed, Youngjae wished he could walk in front to where BamBam was sitting to see the view from there. A slight drift down Jackson’s legs left him stark naked.

“Happy?” Jackson commented, turning and giving everyone a view of his goods.

Mark got up and began packing up his belongings, “I think I have seen enough weird shit today. Bye-bye!”

BamBam was laughing as he began putting back his clothes, “Yeah, I guess I have had enough today.”

Youngjae watched as those two males slowly left, leaving him and Jackson to be confined in Jackson’s apartment. “You can leave, too.” Jackson muttered. 

“No, I came here to study and get some work done, so I’m going to do just that, thank you very much,” Youngjae retorted, trying to adjust the growing bulge in his boxer briefs.

Youngjae grabbed the books he brought and even Jackson’s to the coffee table. He sat down and opened a few up. Jackson proceeded to follow his friend’s lead, but he first acquired some clothing to not distract the other male with his nakedness. On the other hand, Youngjae did not mind seeing Jackson in his most vulnerable state. 

“Let’s start?” Jackson motivatedly uttered.

“Let’s stop here,” Jackson tiredly uttered.

Youngjae agreed since his body was starting to ache for staying stationary for too long. Eyes wandering to the Jackson, he noticed the other male was starting to fall asleep in the same spot. He took it upon himself to give Jackson a good rest and tidy up the place with the time he had. 

He took the blanket from Jackson’s room and laid it over his Chinese friend. He looked at the insides of Jackson’s drawers, hoping to find something in an organized manner rather than it being all over the place. He cleaned up the trash that nearby the trashcan, wondering if the other male was trying to be a basketball player. Regardless, he cleaned it all.

Jackson noted a few observations down in his head as he organized the room. He took a close look at the family pictures that were framed around the room. He developed a second-hand joy seeing Jackson’s mom’s smile for the first time. He loved the way she hugged Jackson while the two were being enclosed by a wooden frame. He touched the glass and rubbed away the particles of dust that was accumulating.

“Jae, whatcha doin’?” Jackson spooked him from behind.

“Jack-Jackson!” Youngjae slapped Jackson’s arm, “don’t scare me like that. Aish!”

Jackson giggled and rubbed the arm that was hit, “Sorry.” 

The Chinese male looked over at what Youngjae was peering at -- the photo of him and his mom. A warmth from the memory brought back a nostalgic smile, for he could still see his mom brightening his day in his head. He wanted to share something with Youngjae with hope of fortifying their bond together.

Jackson stuffed his hand into his right pocket and pulled out his wallet. He opened the little article of leather and proceeded to retrieve a small photograph. It was something he kept in his wallet to remind him of something happy and equally gloom. “Here, keep it with you.”

Youngjae took the piece of paper acceptingly before he realized what was really captured on it, “It’s--,”

“I know. Don’t worry about it, just go rest in my bed tonight. Don’t argue,” Jackson pushed Youngjae towards his room.

“Aish, okay.”

“Nighty-night!” Jackson closed the door behind, but not before he blew a kiss towards Youngjae’s direction.

Youngjae tightened his fist with the picture stuck beneath his knuckles. He cursed Jackson for giving him such an item because it knew what meant to him. Underneath his index finger, the face of Jackson’s ex-girlfriend remained still as she kissed Jackson’s cheek. People that could leave strong possessions over someone despite no longer being in their lives were forces that should not be meddled with.

Although, Youngjae couldn’t get entirely mad at Jackson; a part of himself wanted to hug Jackson as much as he wanted to tear apart the photograph. Undoubtedly, it hurt as much as giant hornet stinging him over and over again. It should have not hurt, right? But it did…

The bookworm analyzed the gesture and confirmed with himself that it had to be Jackson letting go of something that he held secretly in his heart. It had to mean something, for it could have not meant anything. He believed that there had to be an incentive to doing such an action without explanation. He deluded himself to believe in his words that hid strings of hope and desire. 

He wished it could be more each moment. The wind outside whistling, the wood flooring creaking, or the neighbors next door moaning could do little to deter his newfound wish. He had something unexpected happening to his psychology, and Youngjae was scared if it was something to be afraid or be glad of. Losing interest, he snuggled up in Jackson’s bed with a sigh. Breathing in the air aroaming from the pillow and sheets, he thought he was inhaling heaven’s clouds. Something was definitively changing and controlling the way he thought about things.

It lashed out at him like a leather whip, forcing him to beg for mercy on his knees. Youngjae lost it all -- his dreams, his family, his home, and his dignity. He was a dull gray next to the rainbow-colored world. He wanted to touch the color of others and collect as much of all the shades as he could, but he ended up collecting so many of others’ colors that he had no color of his own. He would fade away when someone touched him because he was nobody underneath it all. 

It was there in darkness he found comfort. He was disappearing slowly again. Piece by piece; brick by brick; step by step. He was falling down into murky waters to escape reality.

Calm waters shook and he felt himself being strung back together. A light came down and blinded Youngjae. He wanted to sleep, but it was compelling him to wake up.  _ How annoying _ , Youngjae thought. 

“Wakey time, Choi!” Jackson was shaking his thigh in attempt to wake him up. It worked, though.

There was a smile on Jackson’s face that Youngjae could recall as the morning reminding him to see the light of dawn. With white teeth comboed with giggly laugh and sharp chin, what purpose is there to begin hating him?

Only 50 centimeters if he wished he wanted to kiss him. Youngjae could do it within two seconds without remorse, but he did fear of what would come after or during the kiss if he attempted it. But the action did not happen. Instead, word flowed out of his mouth, but they held dry meaning to what he was actually holding back. Youngjae said as plainly as purpose, “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Jackson retorted happily.

A muffled song played in the background, and Youngjae wondered what it was. He looked at Jackson and noted that he held the same confused face. In the split second of staring deep into Jackson’s eyes, he instantly saw the realization in the other male’s eyes. It was certainly held a gravity upon Jackson from Youngjae’s perspective, and he hoped it was not for what he thought it was for.

A cell phone was ringing in Jackson’s pocket. He pulled it out and answered it inevitably, “Hello?”

“Jackson, I  _ need _ you,” A woman’s voice echoed with a sob.

His smile disappeared like a feather in the wind. He nodded and confirmed his decision that he was going to make. Youngjae could only piece together what he thought was happening. Jackson gave puppy eyes to Youngjae before speaking, “I have to—”

“Ah, I get it,” Youngjae spoke in a soft and melancholic tune. “Go after her.”

Without time to waste, Jackson left along with a piece of Youngjae’s soul. The Korean male missed the presence instantaneously as he stayed where he was. If the sunlight could stay the same, the door unable to move away, his blood flow to his heart slowly reduced, he swore he was stuck in time. 

He thought about  _ her _ and feelings of intense jealousy flooded his entity. Youngjae knew that girl was pulling and tugging at Jackson’s strings and making him dance like a fool. Whether she was aware of it or not, Youngjae thought how pathetic and harsh it was being Jackson, having his strings cut by her and tied back whenever she wanted him back.

“Loser,” Youngjae spat out of spite. “Please come back.”

It was Sunday afternoon where the birds roost and people come out to wander. Youngjae eating at the ramen house that he and Jackson started eating together at. He sat patiently for his meal to be prepared when a woman came through the entrance and began walking to a seat two spaces away from Youngjae on his left.   
Her curled black hair was such a deep shade that Youngjae thought she was wearing the shadows behind her. She held onto her clutch bag in left hand as her right hand was idle on the side. He side-eyed the elegant woman as she carefully took her seat. 

Without hesitation, she requested for a meal in a stern voice, “Black bean noodles, please.”

“Here,” the chef passed over a fresh bowl of black bean noodles to her, “I knew your order before you sat down.”

She chuckled lightly, giving the chef a stare of slight interest, “How cute.”

Slurping up a few strings of noodles from Youngjae’s bowl, he opened his wallet and looked at the picture that Jackson gave to him. He nearly choked when he saw that the lady was exactly the same lady in the photo. 

Meaning…

“It’s been awhile, huh?” She spoke to the chef, twirling the noodles with her chopsticks purposely. “How has Jackson been?”

“You should know since you have been staying in contact with him still,” the chef retorted, not distracted from his cooking. “Merciless woman, you are.”

Youngjae’s ears wanted to sew itself up and not hear anymore of their conversation, but the curiosity of knowing her more kept him enticed. She had an air of confidence that could strike fear into the people around her. Youngjae was already afraid of what she was capable of. A threatening wolf came as a lamb in the herd. 

“Ouch,” she said in a casual tone. “And life goes on.”

“There is no point of keeping him frankly. He needs to move on,” the chef explained, chopping scallions and dumping it into a soup.

Her smile dissipated as she heard those words. She stopped twirling her chopsticks in her bowl, “I mean I could, but why would I want to?”

Youngjae created a fist around his chopsticks, almost snapping them. A punch to that wicked woman’s face was going to be due if she kept talking like that. Alas, he could do nothing to her as she still was someone of unknown power to him.

No other words were exchanged between the chef and Jackson’s ex-girlfriend, but there was nonverbal communication going on. The chef kept shaking his head as he diced vegetables and boiled eggs while the wicked woman kept twirling her chopsticks in her half-eaten black bean noodles. She seemed to have no interest in the food as much as she wanted to know about what was going on in Jackson’s life. 

“Anyways, elders shouldn’t meddle in young people's affairs,” she spoke again with high air. “It was fun talking to you again, boss, but I got some business to attend to.”

The chef made no response, nor did he want to. He just wanted to cook and keep going with his agenda. She got up and left him a tip along with the money for the meal. As she walked with her heels clicking to the tile flooring, she past by Youngjae and gave him a cold side-glare. Her intuition told her trouble was following the nerdy fellow, but she kept it to herself because she knew nothing about the male besides what was riding in her gut.

Youngjae felt the awful glare regardless — a long winter shadowing a blooming spring. Once she left the shop completely, a silence was left that swallowed up any sound that wanted to be heard. He was about to open his mouth until the chef did it himself, “I know what you are about to say or ask.”

“Oh,” Youngjae muttered.

“It was her that broke Jackson’s heart. She’s also not someone you want to fight,” he pointed out the obvious to Youngjae. “Her name is Youngji.”

Oh, a name. There was a name to her the whole time. Youngjae forgot that despite her evilness she was still someone with a name. Someone that has feelings just like him.  _ How despicable _ , he thought. 

Youngjae sat in class as he waited for the teacher to dismiss them for the weekend. He studied what he needed to before the class lecture started, so he was frankly ahead of everyone. He wanted to give himself a small break and take a nap, but the professor had a keen eye on his students. Letting out a sigh, he excused himself to go wash his face. Hopefully the water would himself up.

He walked down the stairs and began heading for the male restroom that was on the right at the bottom of the staircase. 

Thump! 

Bumping into someone in the moment, he bowed his head to apologized before realizing who it really was.

“You!” Youngjae exclaimed.

“Heh, is that how you want to talk to friends?” A male with wood-brown hair retorted, “especially one with  _ benefits _ ?”

“You didn’t want to talk to me since my friend caught us in the kitchen that one time,” Youngjae scoffed. He was not having any of the other male’s bullshit.

“Oh, come on. I missed having your tongue on my—”

“If you wish to keep your own tongue safe, I suggest you shut up,” Youngjae interrupted. “I have no business with you anymore, JB.”

Jaebum was his real name, but Youngjae preferred using JB because that was what Jaebum originally told him about his name.

Jaebum looked at Youngjae with disinterest, “Oh, really?”

Youngjae nodded as he continued on his way into the bathroom. JB followed along and smiled innocently. A rough kiss swiped at Youngjae’s lips as he was forced into an embrace that he could not get out of. JB’s tongue slurping away at Youngjae’s tongue, enticing the bookworm to be anticipating something more exciting to happen. Jb gave a small nibble on Youngjae’s collarbone, which distorted the sounds that was running out of his mouth.

Acting as a poison for Youngjae, the lust worked itself through the bookworm’s veins and into his head. Rooting itself familiarly into a part of Youngjae’s mind, for it was already too deep and too late. Lust darkened his eyes and reasoning was fleeting like a white dove into the storm. 

Needless to say, Youngjae was not pleasant when he returned to the classroom, and, coincidentally, so was the professor. Youngjae had to have a private discussion about his recent behavior in the class and how if he wanted to stay in the course, then he would need to improve his pointed out flaws. 

Youngjae shook his head in shame as he thought about he what he did in the bathroom not too long ago. If he could choose death by guillotine or by being crushed by stones, he would choose both to match the level of his despair.

Self-control is what Youngjae wanted, but addiction was what was standing in his way. What he wanted was on the other side of the brick wall, and he was frankly too deterred to even try. A wall too high to climb and too strong to crack. He felt hopeless while darkness crept into his heart and crowded his blood. Without the moon,  night would be the deepest shade of black until the sun arose again. 

It was too bad that Youngjae knew he was no sun...

For a whole week, it was a habit again. 

Youngjae would ditch his friends to go seek release from Jaebum and other males. He wanted to stop and spend a meaningful dinner with Jackson instead of meeting another stranger that would rather throw a towel at him and tell him to leave afterwards. It was strings upon strings of regret lining itself to knit Youngjae into a straightjacket.

The door remained locked on his bedroom door as the faint smell of burnt out candles lingered in the living room. The water stopped running since parts of the apartment complex was being renovated. A far too familiar noise was heard from the clock on the wall. Empty white walls were Youngjae’s confinements. 

His eyes were as empty as the walls, and he swore his phone was ringing somewhere underneath the pillows on his bed, but he was nowhere near his bed to pick it up. He was curled up on the floor, waiting for night to appear. 

His classwork was on-time as usual.

Youngjae’s grades were at the highest they could be.

The bookworm was getting laid at least once each twelve hours, but he was missing something that was causing his flowing vitality to fall deep into the nothingness in his heart. 

It was there… a hole that was caused by Youngjae himself.

However, he was unsure of what really opened his heart up in that manner. Trying to reminisce, Youngjae remembered a half-naked body of someone that mattered to him. They were close to him in the sense of uniqueness. Unlike anyone else Youngjae met, he was certain this person was easily noticeable in a crowded crosswalk at Tokyo.

Although the disclosure was not all that amazing between them, there was still something interpersonal with their relationship.

Youngjae’s lips spoke as his fingers twitched randomly, “Jackson.”

No. It was not right. No. It was something absurd to think about. No. It had to be the work of black magic. There was something unnerving about Jackson being the solution, for Youngjae concluded Jackson was a source of trouble. It made no sense to Youngjae. 

A doorbell rang and JB came into the apartment. Youngjae touched JB with force and lust, for the bookworm was trying to free himself again. Round after round, the reloading pistol shot repeatedly every so often. Youngjae laid naked near the edge of his bed as the door closed audibly. 

Footsteps faintly heard roaming throughout the apartment. Youngjae enjoyed silence as much as he detested loudness.

“Aish,” Youngjae muttered, rubbing his eyes in boredom.

Jackson’s name appeared on Youngjae’s phone, and the bookworm prolonged his stare at his device. Contemplating whether or not to reply, Youngjae left his phone under his pillow and fell asleep.

It was easier that way.

Things were easier to handle when Youngjae was asleep and not awake in the slightest.

It came as a surprise when the doorbell sang loudly multiple times. What kind of idiot would come to Youngjae’s apartment so late. Also why would they ring the doorbell in so many successions? 

Did Youngjae needed to open the door? 

He really wanted to, but he was unable to because it was too obnoxious and would probably annoy his neighbors too. Once dressed, Youngjae got to open the door and dropped his jaw.

“Aish! I knew you would be here and to not respond to my texts! Bastard,” Jackson commented. 

 


	5. Final Chapter: Confrontations Served Best Warm

A loudness he enjoyed appeared. Jackson’s concerned voice filled the air with a warmth that was unfamiliar with Youngjae. He could not dislike it, so he liked it instead. Youngjae’s cheeks flushed and became the same temperature as the warmth in the room. 

Jackson sighed, scratched his head, paced outside for a second before he let himself inside of Youngjae’s apartment. Jackson dragged Youngjae into the living room and made the bookworm sit down on the couch. Jackson gave Youngjae a deathly glare for a minute before he sat down himself.

Youngjae tried to calm himself down, but his body was sinking into the couch more than he liked to. Jackson’s glare frightened Youngjae, forcing him to be put into an uncomfortable corner.

“ ‘ou have some serious, serious balls, Jae,” Jackson shook his head in disbelief, “I met him, Jaebum, recently.”

Youngjae could not believe he was being put through this type of suffering. He wanted to die already. It was embarrassing enough to have Jackson bossing him around in his own home. The bookworm wished for no more.

“He’s the same guy from the first time we met, huh?” Jackson plainly said, no hidden intention behind his words. Straightforward truth. 

“Y-Yes.”

“Aigoo, I really cannot stand that guy!” Jackson stood up from his place, pacing in a small area back and forth. “Cocky, that’s what he is! Nope, no, I don’t like him.”

Youngjae was unable to comprehend what was coming out of Jackson’s mouth. Not enough context to it for Youngjae to put anything together. Youngjae had to say something, “I don’t--”

“You don’t need to. I know what he and you were doing earlier.” Jackson spat, unsure of why he felt it was necessary for him to be angry towards Youngjae. “Heard it firsthand.” 

The Mokpo fellow understood what it all meant. It was because of J.B. that he forced into this unlucky corner. It was the reason why Jackson was too hyped with anger. Wait. Anger? Why would it make Jackson mad? There was no reason for him to be entitled to that emotion unless it were about Youngjae avoiding him all week. There was something else being unsaid to Youngjae that he had to find out. 

“What could you possibly be mad about?” Youngjae asked in a soft tone.

There was a silence in Jackson’s hesitation, something that was rare, then he answered, “I don’t know. It’s just the way that jerk called you these disgusting names that it boiled me up inside.”

“What did J.B. say?”

Jackson gave a pitiful look at Youngjae, “A cum dump.”

“Really? I thought it could be worse.”

“Hey!” Jackson exclaimed. “You deserve more respect than that. I believe you’re more than that.”

_ I wished _ , Youngjae thought, smiling towards Jackson for giving a pleasant compliment. It only took a second to lie about how Youngjae felt, but he went the abstract path. “Thank you, Jackson, but it’s alright. He’s not wrong about it.”

Jackson chose to sit down next to Youngjae, closing the needed space between them. “I can’t help it. I, I know you’re more than that.”

“I’m still what he called me, Jackson.” Youngjae bluntly brushed Jackson’s words. “It’s a part of what I am as a whole.”

“Please let me--”

“No, Jackson, it’s okay. I’m done talking about it!” Youngjae ended it there with his voice hitching higher and louder. “I don’t want to hear your voice right now.”

It was something that made Youngjae’s emotions go into a blender set on high, shredding him like fruits and ice. There was one only one sweet fruit being mixed as everything else was rotten. He knew he was a recipe for pain and suffering. It fitted him perfectly, or at least that was what he thought.

“C’mere,” Jackson threw his arms over Youngjae, pulling him into an embrace the other male could not escape from. “I don’t think you’re just a sack of sadness.”

Youngjae held a tight grip to Jackson’s shirt. “You idiot.”

Jackson liked being close to people, but he liked that he was  _ closer _ to Youngjae. There was never a warning to things like that; Jackson just dealt with it. It was odd. He had himself wrapped around his ex, but it was to his surprise that she was actually wanting to be around him one last time to give him her remorse.

Despite her look of being angry and ready to murder, she was actually a gentle woman that wanted to experience so much of life had to offer. She was her own free and independent person, and Jackson stuck himself to that thinking he could get a piece of that life until it became the time to cut ties. She honestly felt that she was not living her life the way she wanted it with him, and she did not phrase properly before, but she took the time to give Jackson space to cool down before she came back to apologize appropriately. 

She was leaving the area to live off somewhere else in the world. She really wanted to travel internationally. Jackson smiled as it was over for her in his chapter of his life. Jackson knew it was something that he did not initially enjoy that he and her would break up on an important day, but he came to accept it over time. He had someone he was occupying himself with, anyway.

“Honestly, you should use me more often,” Jackson sniffed at the other male’s hair, familiarizing himself with the scent of sweet shampoo.

“Use you for what?” Youngjae asked plaintively.

“As someone you can trust and happily be with,” Jackson nuzzled himself into the soft, straightened hair. “I trust you now.”

“I really wanted to avoid you,” Youngjae answered, heart thumping inside of his chest. Something new was attacking him, as if worms were slipping into his veins and making him jittery. Mustering any courage he could find in his hard-shelled heart, he spoke the truth about himself. “I always wanted to avoid you from the start. You were a walking danger-sign. I thought it would be safer for me to keep us at a distance, but I see it clearly now.”

“Ain’t it fun?” Jackson smiled and laughed.

“No,” Youngjae shook his head, “at first it wasn’t.”

“Oh.” Jackson said it with a tone of interest.

“The more I tried to kick you out of my life, the more you somehow got involved. The more you became something that I  _ wanted _ to see at least once a day,” Youngjae’s heart was raging with determination, for he wanted Jackson to be trusted. “I have trust issues because of my family, and I lied to you about that I was happy with them. I hated them as much as they hated me. But I still love them.”

“Oh, I--”

“Please,” Youngjae interrupted. “I always been alone with most of my things, and I never thought of simply venting or trusting someone to hear me out. I always had my voice silenced. I may have trust issues, Jackson, but I  _ trust  _ you.”

Jackson seperated them for a moment to look directly into Youngjae’s glistening eyes, “Thank you.”

It was those two words that brought a deep smile on Youngjae’s face. The room appeared to be comfortably warm again. It was like before where the air between Jackson and him would become like this and make Youngjae feel safe. It was not bad.

With the way things were at the moment, they surely could not  _ avoid _ each other...

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone know how to indent the paragraphs on here? It's been annoying me on how this story is aligned. The Rich Text stuff don't work and I don't know coding to do it in the HTML. Google hasn't been helpful either. T^T help me someone?


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